Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- Politicians: You mother-fuckers need to die. Public servants our ass. None of you have ever had a real job, you steal our money, channel it to private interests, squash the competitors of interests who support you, fuck $500/hour whores paid for by state money, mail our taxes to your slum-lord cronies so they can buy our property and rent it to fucking criminals who sell crack to our children and rape entire communities. Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- The FCC: Yes-boy for the big telecoms. We thank you that we’re locked into two-year contacts on our grossly over-priced phone plans, paying upwards of $90.00/month to subsidize new phones every eighteen months for fuck-tards who suck at math, and that we have no choice—thanks to you. Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- Elián González. What the fuck makes you so special? Fuck you!
- Lawyers – Fucking despicable parasites who prey on the misery of the world for obscene financial gain. Our only solace is that most of you will go to hell. Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- Insurance companies – see above. Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- People who speak ebonics: You stupid-ass, ignorant mother-fuckers need to assess the extent to which you sound like a steaming pile of shit every time you open your putrid, gaping pie-hole. Fucking learn to speak, you fuck-tards! Then you could get off welfare, get a fucking job, stop being a leach, and perhaps have an iota of self-respect one day. You all sound like fucking assholes. Kiss you mother with that mouth? Probably, she’s an ignorant whore too. Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- People who drive in the left lane: self-righteous egomaniacal ass-clowns. Get the fuck into the right lane. What the fuck is wrong with your stupid-ass pea-brains? One day someone should to pull you over to the side of the road, rip you from your car and beat you within an inch of life. Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- Fans of American Idol, Lost, other vapid shit, and TV in general: If you’re going to waste your life on pretentious, pandering trash, why should you be allowed to consume resources? We hope you die, you miserable wastes of space. If we kept you in a box and fed you through a tube like a veal calf, that would be generous compared to how useful you are. If you unplugged your brains from the tube for one second, you might be forced to face how truly insignificant you are. Please go get fixed. Don’t waste our filtering skills on one more minute of your inane reenactments of made-up bullshit. You suck at at life. Fuck all you mother-fuckers!
- Danielle Petteys, Rachel Ray, 500,000 other pompous, no-talent bitches who attempt to make our daily lives a nauseating episode of Friends plus Martha Stewart Living. Your orange cookware is pretentious and it doesn’t go with a fucking thing. ‘Donny’ tried the turkey at your stupid soirée; told us later it tasted like ass. Fuck all you stupid bitches!
- Whoopi Goldberg (Caryn Elaine Johnson): That she went to the trouble to change her name to something Jewish cowboys yell when they’re riding a bull or their slut of the hour says it all. Goddamn, we’re sick of this bitch – living, daily proof that money can’t buy taste. Fuck you, ‘Whoopi.’
- Parents: your snot-nose, whinny little twat is not special. Stop clogging my FaceBook page with pictures of Johnny’s first poo-poo or your other sniveling trash. Fuck you and your stupid kids.
- Oprah, I swear, if we have do endure one more failed weight-loss attempt, we’re going shit-house on your black ass. For Christ’s sake, you’ve got a live-in chef! Tell him to make you a fucking salad, go for a run, put down the fucking fork already and stop it, you fat monkey! No one gives a rat’s ass about your book of the week except your cadre of brown-nosing authors who make millions from your cult of post-menopausal housewives. Why don’t you just come out of the closet and admit you’re a fat, black dyke? Fuck. No, on second thought don’t. If you do, it will be touted as an epic triumph for fat black dykes and you and Halle Berry (fuck her too) will make untold more millions. Is there anything more narcissistic than a magazine called “O”? Fuck you, Oprah. (Yeah, and fuck you too Halle – you’re hot, so what? That can’t make up for the fact that you suck. We hate you too.)
- Dr. Phil – OMG, OMG, fuck you, fuck you so much, Dr. Phil.